Differences by Fritz Springmeier

SPIRITUAL MANNA no. 43,

shared December 24, 2001
"Dealing with differences" by Fritz Springmeier,





Being right, but different, can be lonely. How do we correctly deal with
differences between us? Male & female, tall & short, black & white, north
American or north European & south American, or south European, and doctrinal?
.. Transcend them by godliness. This manna article has some ideas from God's
3 living Words: Christ, the Scriptures, and the Spirit.

Near to the heart of God there is no rich or poor, male or female, black or
white. How then do we get to this point? Love God with all your heart, and
love your neighbor as you love yourself. There are a number of deeper ways to
understand the Golden Rule. For instance, one of the deeper understandings is
to treat people, as they need to be treated. For example, if they are not a
visual person but learn through the sense of hands on touching, then reorient
your verbal pictures to satisfy their learning style. Another example is:
while you might prize tickets to a pro-basketball game, don't think you've
automatically satisfied the golden rule by giving them as a gift. What does
the recipient esteem? The golden rule would eliminate rejection if everyone
would apply it.

When we receive rejection, we often make a withdrawal on our self-worth
(self-image, self-respect). If too much rejection hits at once, it can be
overwhelming with a gnawing feeling that something is wrong with ourselves.
It is especially devastating if the rejection comes from someone we respect,
trust and/or love. I think that rejection is probably linked to our instincts
connected to abandonment.

Cults turn our fear of rejection into vulnerability. They love bomb us. A
Christian tract from around the apostolic times warns that the world will make
their camaraderie (& parties) look like great fun, but warns about being
seduced by the crowd. It says it's better to keep your own company.

Remember, the lives of great men & women show that they all faced rejection
of some kind. Doing what is right can make us rejected. Rejection comes from a
variety of reasons, but one of the biggest reasons people get rejected is
simply because they are different. We are trained from infants to conform, and
many people can't accept something different, they are afraid of differences.
It's their crass neurosis. In an evil world, if you are doing what is right
you will stick out like a sore thumb to the unrighteous. Call it the price tag
for being right. Rejoice that you do stand out as different! Who wants the
approval of a disgustingly evil regime, or the approval of some insulting
snakes?

There are all kinds of petty reasons people will reject you. You are too
large, too small, too fat, too thin, too perfect, another skin color, another
tax bracket, another sex, in a disapproved job, lacking the proper status, or
some other narrow minded petty childish preference. Just look at these little
minded people with your piercing eyes of faith, and remember that your
self-worth comes from your Creator, who sent His only begotten son to die for
you, and who isn't so petty as to reject you. We need to know who we are,
focus ahead, and not on the rejection. If you know that you are right, your
King knows it too, and so the opinions of these petty little minds are nothing
compared to the approval of the King of Kings. Look beyond to your real family
in Christ. The problems of race and gender are too complex to be included in
this manna, but I believe one part of the answer is seeing ourselves "in
Christ".

At times, our feelings overwhelm us with a sense of inadequacy when we
consider our responsibility for the world. We forget God is quite capable of
taking care of the world, & if things happen, obviously He must have had
reasons to allow them to happen. Sometimes problems are allowed to discipline
us, so we might share in His holiness and have fruits of righteousness. At
other times, problems are allowed in God's desperate attempt to humble us, so
that His way is open to help us! God still loves us; if we turn to Him, let's
not reject ourselves. Nor is it a good idea to let the people around us who
reject us make our choices. During stress, people can become passive, & let
the very people who reject them make their choices. Let's not reject
ourselves, or cater to those rejecting us, but rather as God's Word declares
in PHL 3:13,14, let's forget the past, do our jobs, & look forward to the
rewards God wants to bestow upon us.

We must admit that even the best of us tend to evaluate people we meet based
on assumptions learned from past experiences. We often don't have the time,
inclination, energy and opportunity to get to know the real you. Across the
board, people will judge you based on their fundamental needs, foremost their
need to be valued, and then all their other various needs. If they believe
they can trust you to be dependable, caring, competent, then they
subconsciously relax because they anticipate their needs will be fulfilled. In
other words, you can control their first impressions on these things. Humility
is also generally a great bridge builder to others. (Even though the military
trained us at West Point to be belligerent prideful dominating officers, and
the army tries to instill a mindset of pride in its soldiers, two centuries of
comments by American soldiers show they respect officers with humility more
than the prideful.) All of us can customize our behavior to sidestep these
negative impressions. Some people might be surprised that the Word of God
clearly teaches us to take control over the impressions people have about us.
Rather than ignoring people's stereotypes and prejudices, we are called to
take advantage of positive stereotypes as ambassadors for God and the truth.
When someone sees us sincerely smile and perceives us as friendly and happy,
when someone sees us listening and they see us as compassionate, they often
don't consciously notice these perceptions but these perceptions of reality
are stored away in their memories nonetheless. Perhaps by frowning when we are
concentrating and absentmindedly looking away, we are perceived as angry and
dishonest. Whether it is accurate or not, one does get evaluated and judged.

We must forget logic, and simply accept that certain things cause certain
impressions with certain groups of people. Then we must cater to those ways of
thinking, so that we are not rejected out of hand. This is part of following
peace with all men (commanded in Heb. 12:4). The Word teaches us that we are
free in Christ from all men, we serve God. But immediately after that, it
teaches that we should be "all things to all men, that we might by all means
save some."(1 COR 9:19-23) Later, we are told to "please all men..imitate
Christ." We are called upon to act with "all wisdom" (COL 3:16), to be gentle
with all men, to do all things decently, and with all gladness, and with no
complaining, because our appearances are a letter which will be known and read
by all men (cf. 2 COR 3:2, PHIL 2:14, 12:29, et al). Do you know how you come
across to people and why?

In general people will reject us if we are perceived as dishonest, uncaring,
inconsiderate, or unreliable. Many will also reject us if they think we're
prideful. While a small percentage will reject you and me if we are not good
looking or classy, it is very few. (In fact, studies show that if you are
trendy & above your peers, you will be seen as "untrustworthy" by being
different, & "shallow" by placing style over substance, plus some other
negatives. Being trendy is clearly more of a double-edged sword than many
realize.) In other words, those of us who are common ordinary mortals have the
chance to be accepted by most people. There are limitations to how attractive
we can make ourselves, and studies confirm that good-looking people are
considered (perceived as) more trust worthy, so those of us who are not
outwardly attractive need to really develop our inner beauty and honesty so
that it oozes out of us. Even the homeliest of people can still come across as
honest.

Don't just be true to others, be true to yourself, and be true to God.

If we do not want to be rejected out of hand, we should be wise in listening
to others and figuring out what they want from us. Once we know what they want
and expect from us, we can demonstrate traits that give them a positive
impression. Missionaries to China had to use wisdom in deciding to become
Chinese to win them to Christ, which if imperfectly done backfired, or to
simply act like Europeans. In the end, the ones who not merely pretended to be
Chinese, but who became "Chinese" overcame many barriers and created a dynamic
Chinese church that survived incredible persecution. Imitation if it appears
to mimic may backfire if it is perceived as manipulation (as in manipulative
flattery), lack of confidence, hypocritical, or insincerity. While it is wise
to mirror people's clothes, speech patterns and mannerisms, it has to be a
natural mirroring with humility, or it may back fire as condescending and
disrespectful.

It's not as hard as one might think to sincerely put our best foot forward.
If you've had spiritual joy from some encounter with God, and some other great
moment, use your memory of that to pull yourself through times that are
difficult. For most of us, we can make it a habit to smile, be encouraging and
good listeners. That will get us past being rejected by people's first
impressions. Yet, we know if we are firm in our resolve to obey God we risk
being different and being rejected. (Yeshua wasn't understood by his parents,
was rejected by Israel and even at times was rejected by his own disciples.)
America worships popularity, and in an evil culture, evil may be popular. But
not being popular is not the same as rejection, although it may be perceived
as such by us. Our pride at times converts the lack of attention we get (due
to our unpopularity, or others' neglect) into our perceptions of rejection.
Having a low profile can have its positives, and can be reframed with humility
to be realized to be a blessing. Pride can be involved in high profiles, &
pride occurs before destruction (PRV 16:18); & the bigger they are, the harder
they fall.

Most of us have worked through the following types of issues: How well do we
fit in with the world and those who attend mainstream churches? To fit in we
may go along with gossip. We may accept the lies of the world that everyone
is doing some immorality, and that we need to do such and such to fit in. Yet,
we are commanded not to do what is morally wrong to fit in. Meanwhile on the
other hand, just because something is morally acceptable to God, does not mean
it is expedient to do. The Word encourages us to curtail our freedoms in
Christ in order to get along with others. In other words, sometimes we have to
unselfishly serve God and accept the rejection that comes. At other times, we
have to unselfishly give up our freedom of action in Christ to get along with
others. All these situations call for unselfish devotion to our Creator. But
the reward from serving God is that we no longer need to worry about
rejection. One man and God is a majority. If you act reliably consistent in
doing the right thing, they will respect that in the long run. Although Rommel
(the Desert Fox of W.W. II's African theater) consistently beat the British,
they came to respect him for consistently doing the right thing, even though
it was costing them casualties.

Enthusiasm and motivation, interpersonal skills, and an awareness of our
emotions will go a long way toward getting us the acceptance we want. So don't
put your ladder of success against the wrong wall. It's amazing that the Word
of God's ancient wisdom protects us from behavior that would create rejection
from sloppy bad impressions. It also teaches us how to transcend the negative
rejection that is bound to come from being right side up in an upside down
world.

Everything may still be upside down in a person's world, and yet they can
still rejoice like Habakkuk, "Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither
shall fruit be in the vines; the labor of the olive shall fail, and the fields
shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall
be no herd in the stalls: Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the
God of my salvation."* God has not rejected His people. (*HAB 3:17-18)